Drastic Measures
by bouquineuse
Summary: Sometimes drastic measures are needed to point out the obvious.


_A/N: I've always been an avid reader, but when I was eleven I wanted to be a writer. Alas, that idea died a very long time ago as many childish ideas do. However, the season 2 disaster of Glee combined with my love of St. Berry, the various challenges over the past few weeks, plus the airing of that episode (which shall not be named) has motivated me. I woke up with this story in my head this morning. So here it is. My apologies for all grammatical and spelling errors, those skills seem to have deserted my brain through lack of usage._

_Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. If I did, nothing from Nationals season two onward would ever exist._

**Drastic Measures.**

Enough was enough. Nearly every night the cast was treated to a shouting match between the two stars of the show. On stage they delivered their lines perfectly as the total professionals that they were. But off stage was another matter completely. It was time for some drastic measures to be taken.

Rachel was in Jesse's dressing room after the Saturday evening performance. Yelling at each other over something ridiculous as usual, they didn't even notice that there were new additions to the room's décor. They didn't see Joel poke his head around the door briefly, and they certainly didn't notice when he retreated and closed the door firmly.

"You are without a doubt the most obnoxious, arrogant man I have ever had the displeasure to meet! I hate you, Jesse St. James!" Rachel stomped her foot and whirled around heading for the door. She grabbed the door knob and turned it, but nothing happened. She tugged at it vigorously but it just turned in her hand and refused to open.

"So much for the grand exit, Berry." Jesse sneered. "Here, you want to leave, I'll gladly help." But he too failed in his attempt to open the door. "The knob's busted."

"No kidding genius. Just call someone."

Jesse grabbed his cell out of his jacket pocket but the battery was missing from it. He held it up to Rachel, a perplexed look on his face. "Any ideas how this happened?"

"No! Of course not. Damn! My phone is in my dressing room."

Meanwhile Jesse had finally noticed the folded blanket and a basket in the corner of the room and was busy investigating the contents. It was a wicker basket containing a bottle of red wine, two glasses, some cheese, crackers, fruit, a corkscrew, some utensils and an envelope addressed to both of them.

Curiosity had now got the better of Rachel and she made a grab for the envelope, neatly snatching it from Jesse's hands. Quickly she tore it open. It contained a letter and another smaller, yet thicker brown envelope.

Jesse peered over her shoulder as she started reading the letter.

Dear Jesse & Rachel:

It appears that you two are oblivious to what is obvious to everyone around you, so we have been forced to take drastic but necessary measures. We've had enough of the silly bickering and fights. It's time you realized that:

1. You are both drama queens

2. The two of you will never have a platonic relationship

3. You are madly in love with each other, (please quit pretending otherwise-especially to each other)

4. We are not letting you out until you settle matters. We have provided you with everything necessary to resolve the problem.

Your long-suffering friends and castmates

It was signed with everyone's name.

"I think we've been setup." Jesse looked again at the basket, the blanket, and then picked up the smaller brown envelope and tore it open. Packets of condoms spilled out onto the floor. For a moment shock was written on both their faces. Rachel looked at Jesse. Jesse looked at Rachel and then Jesse chuckled. Rachel tried to say it wasn't funny but she started to giggle. Soon they were clinging to each other and howling with laughter.

It took several minutes before they managed to quit laughing, and several moments more had passed before they'd finally regained their breath. Jesse looked down at the pretty, petite woman who was still clinging to him.

"Rachel Berry, you know you drive me insane, don't you? " He tenderly swept a tendril of her hair behind her ear and traced his finger down a laughter tear track on her cheek.

"Just as much you drive me crazy, St. James. But I thought you still hated me for that stupid choice I made at Nationals, so I've been trying not to show it."

"It's always been you Rachel. Ever since I first heard you sing you've had a piece of my heart. I was thrilled when you were chosen as my leading lady. But you've been hissing at me like an angry cat since day one of rehearsals".

"It was self-preservation, nothing more. I didn't want you to know how much I cared."

"Do you think maybe we can start again, as adults and without repeating all the past mistakes?" Jesse's voice was soft and slightly hesitant.

Rachel nodded, her heart was in her throat and for once she had no words. But Jesse didn't need words right now, she realized. This time it was up to her to convince him that he was all she wanted, all she needed. Her lips met his with no hesitancy, no holding anything back any more.

Much later, as she lay half sleeping in his arms, he kissed her brow and whispered "I once promised you epic romance, Rache. I'm not sure this quite meets the criteria."

Rachel snuggled deeper into his arms and smiled "It's a good start, Jesse. It's a good start."


End file.
